Silence is Golden

In teaching marriage classes and doing biblical counseling, I have found that the biggest problem with most couples is their mouth.

In an effort to communicate, some speak their mind to the fullest extent, not realizing that every thought is not from God... not to be repeated... and, not healthy conversation.

Wrong words, finger pointing, accusations, negative outlooks, and hostile remarks only stir up strife. Friend, God's way is contrary to our impulsive, fleshly behavior. Self-control is a must if you want to cultivate healthy relationships.

Learn to listen more and talk less. Practice being slow to anger.

The devil is busy creating oppressive scenarios, throwing darts of skepticism and releasing the spirit of jealousy. His tactic is to get us offended. Then, once we are weakened by his evil blow, he assigns a horde of demons to fan the flames of anger, resentment, rage and wrath.

Don't allow the devil to push your buttons! Practice being quiet. Pray first. Talk second. And, speak in shorter, more impactful sentences that give God glory. Going on and on about a thought or feeling does not convince the other person of your need; but instead, only dulls their hearing. THEY TUNE YOU OUT!

Long, drawn out, conversations of discontent only acerbate the situation.

Yes, many times, silence is best. In fact, the Lord promises to fight our battles for us - if, we will just trust Him. And, learning to trust God requires self-control.

James says we are to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Taking God's Word from the pages of our Bible to real life application can certainly be a challenge, but it is definitely doable. It all comes down to prayer and obedience.

Are you praying?

Are you seeking to be obedient?

Will you allow the Holy Spirit to have His way? Or, will you barrel through with patronizing, condemning, hateful and sarcastic words... because, you deserve it? Because you feel the need to vent? Because, it's just the way you are?

If you desire to have more friends, if you want to have a healthy marriage, or, if your goal is to be a person of influence, practice LISTENING.

Practice thought management.

Practice response delay.

Practice word filtering.

Every conversation does NOT require a response. Sometimes, silence is best. Learn to ponder thoughts more... and, speak less. God will increase your effectiveness in communication as you obey His precepts.

#Listen #SpeakLess

www.DeborahRossMinistries.org 

A Standers Affirmation

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!…

I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ’til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words… in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ’til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous… nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing, nor will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God’s faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up ’til my marriage is healed.

– Author Unknown

RESPECT & SECURITY IN MARRIAGE

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN:

Respect & Security in Marriage - Radio / Audio One Minute Devotional 

RESPECT & SECURITY IN MARRIAGE

When it comes to marriage, Ephesians 5:33 is a powerful verse that is often over-looked.  

It says…

“Never the less let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

It really boils down to two words:  SECURITY and RESPECT

Hello, I’m Deborah Ross!

Husbands, the one thing your WIFE needs most is SECURITY!

What kind of security?

All kinds!  Like, … protection… financial peace… sexual purity… and most importantly… knowing that you love and trust God!

Wives,… the number one thing that your HUSBAND needs most is RESPECT!

He needs to know that you are not rolling your eyes at him… not complaining to your friends about him… not bossing him around… and not putting him down!

Did you know that your husband will give you security … as you give him respect?

Likewise husband, your wife will give you respect as you give her security.

So,… which one of you???… will go first?

For more on STRENGTHENING FAMILIES, go to DeborahRossMinistries.ORG 

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For more, listen to Choose Life Today! radio broadcasts with Deborah Ross on a station near you. 

**Radio stations may contact us for the FTP site access and login credentials for airing Deborah Ross Ministries one minute vignettes, Choose Life Today!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN:

Submitting One to Another - Radio Audio / One Minute Devotional 

SUBMITTING ONE TO ANOTHER

When it comes to marriage, Ephesians 5:21 tells us to submit ourselves one to another in the fear of the Lord.

Hello, I’m Deborah Ross!

I think women – as a whole – have a fear of the word “submit.”

Perhaps, because we perceive it as being “less than” in the eyes of our husband.

On the other hand, some husbands take the whole submission thing way out of context, using God’s word as an excuse to rule with an iron fist!

So, what does God’s word really mean when it says “submit?”

It means SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER!

A WAY OF SAYING:

*I value you!

*I value your needs!

*I value your opinions!

*I value your dreams!

*And, … I value OUR MARRIAGE!

You see, submitting is just a value system.  Nothing to fear.  And, certainly not an iron fist.

Will you put submitting to one another … into practice – TODAY?

For more on STRENGTHENING FAMILIES go to www.DeborahRossMinistries.ORG 

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For more, listen to Choose Life Today! radio broadcasts with Deborah Ross on a station near you. 

**Radio stations may contact us for the FTP site access and login credentials for airing Deborah Ross Ministries one minute vignettes, Choose Life Today!

CO-ED MARRIAGE BIBLE STUDY VIDEO WITH DEBORAH ROSS

This 1 hour video teaching is an unplugged co-ed marriage Bible study class from my Save It! Marriage Bible Study Series (Fall 2012). Includes: Taking Thoughts Captive... Motives... Trusting God... Family Order... Standing Strong... Submitting to Each Other... Love Never Fails.

Grab a cup of coffee and sit down to a time with the Lord as I encourage your faith today for a healthy marriage.

Save it! Marriage Bible Studies with Deborah Ross

BIBLE STUDY CLASSES
and/or
CONFERENCES   

Save Your Marriage... Save Your Family! Everyone's marriage could use a tune-up. This study is a faith builder for those in good marriages and it is a life-line for those in bad ones. Participants learn how to defeat the power's of darkness so that their marriage doesn't just survive, but THRIVES... until death do they part. Topics like: Settle it in Your Heart; Forgiveness is a Commandment; What Men Need; What Women Need; Being Intentional About Your Marriage; Cold Love / No Love; Intimacy; Agape Love / Excel Them All; Root Digger (Pulling Down Strongholds & Breaking Generational Curses); Family Wholeness and much, much more. Deborah's book, Healing a Broken Marriage, serves as the reading material and at-home study guide for this class. Open to men and women - married, engaged, separated, and even those divorced who are praying for reconciliation. Based off of 1 Corinthians 13 - "Love Never Fails."  

There are 2 ways to take this study:  1)  Invite Jay and Deborah Ross to your church.  2)  Get Deborah's personal teaching notes and lead your own group.

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Mini Lesson for Today:

His Needs / Her Needs. 

In this lesson we learn that in a marriage the number one thing men crave most is RESPECT while the number one thing women desire most is SECURITY.  Are you giving your spouse what they need most?

The man's role is that of head of the household.  He should be the primary bread winner of the home - providing he is in good health. The primary role of the woman is to nurture the souls of the children and her husband while maintaining a peaceful, loving home environment for the family to come together in worship of the Lord. When we get our homes in Biblical order according to 1 Corinthians 11:3  (God - Jesus - Man - Woman, with the children coming under the man and woman leading in unison under Christ Jesus), we lay a solid foundation on which the Lord will supernaturally bless our families in great measure.  There is nothing wrong with the woman working to help support the family (if needed) as long as she puts her family first in all things.  This may mean that a professional corporate career needs to be put on hold until after the children are raised. 

In addition, husband and wife should practice submitting one to another in all things (Ephesians 5:21).  In doing so, each spouse seeks to please the other and arguments are put to a halt.  When conflict does arise, it is important to remember that winning is not important.  Listening to one another and then reaching a mutual agreement is always the goal.  If, after each person has voiced their opinions, it is still not possible to reach an agreement, women need to keep their perspective as being their husband's help mate (Genesis 2:18).  God will bless our families as our men rise to godly leadership.  Even when bad decisions are made, we can trust God to bring us through certain consequences with ultimate victory as we seek to establish our homes according to Biblcal principles.

It has been said that money, sex, and children are the number one arguments that lead to divorce. In order to solve money problems in marriage, both man and wife need to learn the importance of completely trusting God with their finances. He is a good God and He gives good gifts to His children. In fact, He even says that we can TEST HIM when it comes to tithing! Try Him and see if your 90% doesn't go a lot further as the Lord keeps the devil and his demons from stealing your finances that are available after tithing your reasonable service of 10% of all your income back to the Lord.   

It is so important that Christian's tithe and give offerings because God richly blesses those who do. It is a supernatural principle! Our money represents our life (our time) and God knows that our obedience to tithing is a true reflection of our FAITH in Him as not only Savior, but also as Lord, Master, Provider, etc.

When we hold our fists tightly closed and refuse to trust God with our money, we are really saying, "I am in control of my life. I don't trust in supernatural principles. I really don't trust that God will take care of my needs and my wants in this life. It doesn't make sense to me to tithe 10% when I am already having trouble in paying my bills, so God will have to help me get ahead, first, then I will tithe 10%"... Sorry friends, but it doesn't work that way in the Kingdom of God.

Then, if you ever get to a place in life where things are not making sense in your finances (yet, you are a tither) - like the loss of a job, or a lack of money - perhaps it is time for a promotion from God! Keep on tithing because you are probably experiencing a TEST from God and when all is said and done, you want to be found faithful in your obedience. Don't give the enemy any ammunition to use against you when it comes to your money. Trust God!!!

Lastly, it is important that you realize the following principles when it comes to money and God. Tithing is 10% of your income that should be given to your local church or the place where you are being fed the Word of God and experiencing fellowship. Offerings are different. Offerings are monies, time, talents and resources given above and beyond your tithe. Offerings can and should be given freely to anyone or any ministry whom the Holy Spirit lays upon your heart to give to. Keep in mind that God's superabundant favor (in the financial realm) will rest in your obedience to the Holy Spirit in giving offerings.

You see, you just cannot outgive God! He is the supplier of all of your needs... and wants. He owns it all. He will make sure that His children are well taken care of as they practice being GIVERS. So solve the marital hardship of financial woes by allowing God to completely take control of your finances. Be a tither... and a giver! Be like God. After all, He gave His very own Son.

Malachi 3:8-12

"Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings. Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts. And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the LORD of hosts.

Luke 6:38

"Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again."

Proverbs 11:24 

"There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty."

Throughout this study I pray that the Lord will speak to hearts so that each marriage will be strengthened for life-long victory in all things.   

1)  BOOKINGS - Click to book Deborah Ross & Jay Ross for a marriage study or conference at your church.

2)  DEBORAH'S PERSONAL TEACHING MATERIALS - Click to find out how to get FREE materials ($100.00 value). 

3)  Or, you may order these materials directly at CLICK HERE

Marriage - Are You Doing the Word?

James 1:19 KJV

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man (or woman) be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man (or woman) worketh not the righteousness of God.

- emphasis added -

My grandmother always taught me to "kill'em with kindness."  She always said it would be difficult  for someone to be ugly to you if you continued to treat them with respect and dignity.  As hard as her lesson was for me to understand as a child, today, I can clearly see how her teachings were Biblical principles that God would one day reveal to me as truth.  These words were buried deep within my soul as a child, and, no doubt, have helped me to withstand some difficult situations in my own marriage while I patiently waited for my breakthrough to finally arrive.

I think the book of James is a good starting place for us to study in seeking how we can learn to silence arguments and put an end to dysfunction in our homes.  James says that we are to be "swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath."  Until we recognize that change begins within US, we will forever be trying to "fix" everyone else  - in particular, our spouse.  We will never rest in the promises of our Lord for complete victory in our marriage, until we settle it in our heart that "we cannot change our spouse!"  So, let us take instruction from James that our breakthrough will manifest only if we do our part.  We must learn to control OUR MOUTH by praying, "Lord help me to listen more and talk less, so that You can work in my marriage."

In addition, James 1:22 says that we should be "doers of the word, and not hearers only."  Now, being a doer of the word does not mean that we make others...  "do the word."  On the contrary, it means that we make ourselves come into agreement with the word of the Lord even while in adverse circumstances.  Marriage is not always easy (especially if one spouse is lost).  Even so, as Christians, we are to do our part by being obedient to the things of God - even while it is not convenient.  If it were easy to be a "doer of the word", then being a "doer" would not require faith.  But, we are people of faith and we need to understand that our faith grows as we exercise it.  So don't be afraid to exercise your faith when it comes to being a doer of the word in your marriage.

There is one themed rebuttal that is always spoken to me by someone hurting in marriage:  "But you don't know what they did to me" or "You don't understand what I have to put up with."  When these valid comments come across my ministry, I gently take these broken souls back to God's word which speaks of self control, controlling our tongue, praying, and trusting Him.  Granted, one spouse in the marriage may be like a wild bull running through a china store.  Still, that doesn't justify the other spouse to be moved, shaken, or provoked to sin against God.  In the midst of a marital storm, we must remember that God is on the throne and He loves our marriage.  He is on our side and will fight our battles for us if we will just tame ourselves and lay our marriage on the altar for Him to work a miracle.  Malachi 2:16 says, God hates divorce, so our job as a married Christian is to work toward avoiding divorce... even through the fiercest storm. 

The devil is forever tempting God's children.  He knows that if he can just get a Christian to be drawn away of his own lust and enticed to sin then he can kill them.  His greatest thrill is to see sin conceived in a child of God because it is sure to bring forth death in certain areas of their life.  For instance, if the devil can get us to enter into arguing with our spouse, he has a better chance at getting us to believe that we are justified in hating them.  Then once we are convinced that we don't need our spouse anymore (because we just can't get along), we are now in a position to believe that divorce is OK in our situation.  Divorce is the calculated death that the devil is ultimately seeking to arrange in the lives of every married couple.  But the devil doesn't stop there.  The enemy of our soul will go much further than the initial divorce.  Most often, divorce  causes bitterness to fester.  Bitterness leads to wrath... and wrath leads to revenge.  Now does anger, bitterness, wrath, and revenge sound like characteristics of one claiming to be a Child of God?  (See James 1:3-15)

So in conclusion, James 1 says that our religion is vain if we don't learn to bridle our tongue.  Remember the trying of our faith (especially in marriage) teaches us to have patience.  And, the patience produced in us will make us perfect in the end.  This means that our faith will be purified in our trials, making us ready to receive the reward that God has waiting for those who believe Him and act according to His word even throughout adverse circumstances. 

Hebrews 11:6

But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

If you haven't already read my story, I'd like to encourage you to pick up a copy of my book, Healing a Broken Marriage, today.  I have experienced, first hand, how God's word will come to pass in seemingly hopeless marital conditions of my own.  Today, my marriage is healed and thriving because the Lord is faithful and His word is true!  My book is a step by step faith walk of praying for my husband for twelve years as heartache after heartache pointed toward divorce.  Glory to God, the devil didn't win the battle and now I live to tell others how they, too, can claim victory in their home.  My book teaches practical and spiritual lessons that must be mixed together to bring results.   

The Lord doesn't want any to perish.  He wants all to come to salvation.  As the spouse who professes to know God (I say this because you are reading this article), I exhort you to stand strong and see the salvation of the Lord for your loved one.  Believe God against all odds.  And, very important, mix all of your faith with God- centered actions that will create fertile soil for your miracle.  When you line yourself up with Kingdom principles in your "doing", you can expect results from a God who loves you, loves your marriage, and loves your children.

So take the narrow road, tame your tongue, harness your emotions, exercise your faith, and trust God in all things.  He loves you!

 Job 6:24 KJV
Teach me, and I will hold my tongue: and cause me to understand wherein I have erred.

Biblical Order of the Home

BALANCING CHILDREN, WORK, AND INTIMACY

God has established order to everything... He is the God of order!  When studying scripture as a marriage life-book of "how to", it is easy to see that God has a divine command we must all heed if we want our marriage to endure: the tests of time; the on slot of offense; and the pull of worldly influence.  Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10).  He hates families and will stop at nothing by instigating terms for division, strife, and even divorce - in every home - as he slithers his way into situations, circumstances, attitudes, and presuming lifestyles between a man and his wife.  So don't be surprised when the gates of hell turn up the heat in your household.  There is nothing new under the sun.

On the other hand, married couples can expect to overcome all of life's twists and turns - so that their passion never runs cold - when they commit to making their relationship with each other of highest priority (under Christ).  Contrary to the assumption of most unsuspecting married couples, staying true to the marriage vow, "until death do us part", doesn't just happen.  It takes work... continuous work...intentional work!  But, keeping a marriage alive is not a begrudging chore.  Instead, it is a fulfilling journey of growing closer and closer as, together, you work to serve one another! 

Speaking of order, 1 Corinthians 11:3 says that the order of the family should be as follows: God, Christ, Man, Woman.  As much as women hate to admit it, our role in the marriage is to be a helper to our husbands (Genesis 2:18).  The man is to be the head of the household, under Christ, and has the burden of carrying the weight of the home on his shoulders.  Even the natural strength of a man over the femininity of a woman paints the picture of God's design for establishing order in the home (see: 1 Peter 3:7).  Does this mean that women aren't supposed to work?  Not necessarily.  It does mean, however, that the predominate role of a woman in marriage should be that of an encourager to her husband and a nurturer to her children; while the prevailing role of the man should be that of a provider and spiritual leader.

WORK

When it comes to work, men and women, alike, all-too-often get caught in a work-a-holic syndrome.  The obligations of keeping the bills paid, the lure of a success driven society, and the sin of wanting too many "things" can all lead to burn-out in marriage.  God intended for us to have balanced lives and while work is essential, it should never be elevated above the family.  After all, you work to make a fruitful life for your family.  What benefit is "the good life" if, in the end, the family unit is shattered - all because of the obsessive cycle of making more, spending more, and expecting more?  The best way to evaluate your allegiance to your career is through the filter of the following order of importance:  #1 - God;  #2 - Family; #3 - Business.  If your work priorities tend to slip from this formula, it's imperative (for the sake of your marriage) that you reevaluate your motives and restructure your lifestyle - immediately!

INTIMACY

Another mistake I often see young mothers making is that of becoming preoccupied with their everyday duties of nurturing, cooking, shopping, and cleaning, while presuming that their husband will "understand" her constant neglect of affection - especially in the bedroom.  I know how it is, by the end of the day a mother is zapped and "one more thing to do" when her head hits the pillow at night can become the dreaded love making task instead of a joyful finale of intimate communion with her man.  There is great danger in allowing affection with your spouse to wane.  Again, the most important part of your duties as a husband/wife and dad/mom (besides your complete devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ) is that of putting your marriage above all else.  Romance, sex, and even date nights MUST be a part of your "schedule" in order to avoid the subtle drift of growing apart.  Men, that means putting the remote down, turning the computer off, and making an effort towards being creative in how to spend quality time with your wife, as well.  Each partner has an obligation to meet the need of the other when it comes to keeping the flames of passion burning brightly throughout the course of a life-time in marriage. 

CHILDREN

In a thriving, Christ-centered marriage, your relationship with your spouse should always come before your relationship with your children!  While this may seem like a no brainer, it is actually a big problem with families today.  Does this mean that the children are not important?  Not at all.  It simply means that marriage is - first, and foremost -  about the husband and wife honoring one another, as two souls remain one flesh under the banner of Christ Jesus.  Children can be very demanding and, while we should aim to be great parents, we should never let our marriage suffer from the pressures of parenting.

In today's American, fast-paced culture, I am seeing more and more parents putting a significant amount of time into the extracurricular activities of their children and the pursuit of keeping up with society.  While this may seem like a wonderful thing to do on the surface, an unbalanced approach to activities outside of the home early on, can lead to serious marital problems - later on.  After all, what good will all of these endeavors be if after years of running here, there and everywhere, you end up with a broken home - all because you neglected to prioritize your life in such a way that gives glory to God.  Psalm 46:10 says to "be still and know that He is God."  Carve out time each day to "be still" with your family as you worship God together with the sweet aroma of a balanced lifestyle. 

Furthermore, Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20 says that "children should obey their parents in the Lord."  From here, we can see that God's divine order for the home is for the children to come up under the parents (not just the mom and not just the dad, but both parents - functioning in agreement with one another).  Many well meaning mothers tend to elevate their children to a position of priority over their husbands.  NEVER allow your children to come between you and your spouse. Remember, a healthy marriage ultimately makes the children happy because their confidence will be increased when they live in peace knowing that mom and dad love each other, have respect for one another, and express appropriate affection toward the other. As you and your spouse show forth a selfless, unconditional love that gives high priority to times of privacy, hand holding, hugging, laughter, and honor for one another, your children are learning what a healthy marriage looks like and will likely aim to have a balanced marriage of their own one day, as they learn life application skills from you.  This is the essence of what it truly means to train up a child in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6).     

In closing, I remind you of the following points about "how to" enrich your marriage so that your love for one another never grows cold:

·        God has an order to everything. 

·        Marriage takes work. 

·        You must be intentional about making your marriage all that God has planned.    

·        The devil is working hard to strategize the demise of your wedding vows.

·        You must be adamant about APPLYING the Word of the Lord to every area of your marriage on a daily basis. 

Don't be duped by the devil.  Life is about choices and making the right decisions each and every day will add up to the sum total of the destiny of your family (see: Deuteronomy 30:19).  Remember, over half of ALL MARRIAGES (the church is no exception) end up divorced.  Shield your marriage from destruction by getting your life in order, NOW!

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Deborah Ross is a Bible teacher, speaker, singer, author, and choreographer.  Her new book titled, Healing a Broken Marriage: LoveNever Fails, is a great resource for more on "how to" have a healthy, God-centered marriage.  Deborah has been married to her husband, Jay, since 1984.  Together, they have two teenage sons.  Deborah's passion is to know God and her calling is to share His love with the world.  To find out more about her ministry go to www.DeborahRossMinistries.org   

Herman & Sharron Show With Guest: Deborah Ross

Part 1 - 15 minutes

Part 2 - 15 minutes

- Watch Deborah on the Herman & Sharron Show -

From Monday, July 25, 2011, on CTN (Christian Television Network)

Regarding re-run air times, viewers will need to check their local listings.

(Direct TV station 376 and Dish Network on station 267. Also now seen on GloryStarNetwork and Sky Angel IPTV on channel136. CTN is also “lived streamed” over the internet and Herman & Sharron can be watched at 10:00am Eastern time over the internet.)

A DVD of the program can be purchased for $19.95 at order-line at 1-800-700-7064. 
You will need to give the order-line the program number HS11-7-25 and guest, Deborah Ross.

A Healthly Marriage

My prayer for your marriage is that the following things will become REAL as you study God's Word and press in to have a life-long marriage of joy, peace, intimacy and friendship with your spouse.

POINTS TO PONDER FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE...

1) A God centered marriage is made up of 3 - God, Man, Woman - Diagram: Draw a triangle and put God at the top!  Write your name on one corner and your spouses name on the other corner.  As you both look up to Christ and put God FIRST in all things... your marriage will be blessed! 

2) God is "for" your marriage! It "is" His will that you and your spouse love each other until "death do you part". He is on your side in difficult times!

3) You must be INTENTIONAL about keeping a marriage that is ALIVE and THRIVING!

4) FORGIVENESS is a commandment... not a suggestion!

5) Always pray: Lord change ME! Get out of a self-centered approach to Christianity and into a Christ-centered life-style that is willing to lay down all agenda's for the sake of your family. As YOU become more like Jesus, your behavior WILL affect the behavior of your spouse. LOVE NEVER FAILS!

6) Always speak (and seek) the TRUTH in LOVE. Take the masks off. Don't avoid issues. Live in truth yourself... and set a godly example for your spouse.

7) Be willing to leave and cleave by breaking generational curses and by pulling down strong holds that will sneak in to destroy a good marriage over the course of a life-time.

8) Men: Love your wife as Christ loves the church AND gave His life for her.
Some ways to lavish your love on your wife:
*LISTENING TO HER
*GIVING HER GIFTS AND/OR EXTRA MONEY FROM TIME TO TIME TO SPEND ON HERSELF FOR BEAUTY TREATMENTS & TAPESTRY OF SILK AND PURPLE (nice clothing)
*TAKING YOUR TIME IN LOVE MAKING - WOMEN ARE LIKE CROCK POTS... SLOW TO WARM UP
*ROMANCE GOES A LONG WAY - TAKE YOUR WIFE ON A DATE AT LEAST ONCE PER WEEK
*BECOME THE HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD UNDER CHRIST JESUS - DON'T BE A BOY - BE A MAN!!!
*GIVE HER SECURITY IN ALL THINGS - FROM FINANCES... TO PROTECTION... TO THE BEDROOM - SHE NEEDS TO FEEL SAFE WITH YOU
*ALWAYS FLEE THE APPEARANCE OF EVIL - PORNOGRAPHY, ALCOHOL & DRUGS, ETC. WILL KILL YOUR MARRIAGE - INTENTIONALLY AVOID THESE THINGS
*TAKE AN INTEREST IN THE HOME (Honey-Do)
*PRAY OUT LOUD WITH YOUR WIFE
* PUT YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN ABOVE YOUR BUDDIES AND YOUR SPORTING EVENTS

9) Women: Submit to your OWN husband.
Some ways to lavish your love on your husband:
*GIVING HIM SPACE TO MAKE MISTAKES
*HONORING HIM AS HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD... EVEN IF HE IS NOT SURE OF HIS POSITION, YET
*DON'T WITHHOLD LOVE MAKING FROM YOUR HUSBAND
*DON'T BELITTLE YOUR HUSBAND
*BE HIS HELP MATE - HELP HIM TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN HIS CAREER AND REPUTATION IN THE COMMUNITY
*PRAY DEUT. 28 OVER YOUR HUSBAND
*COOK & CLEAN WITH JOY
*USE PLEASANT WORDS AND PLEASANT TONES WITH YOUR HUSBAND
*BE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT - PRACTICE BEING BEAUTIFUL FOR YOUR HUSBAND
*LEARN TO ENJOY SOME ACTIVITIES THAT YOUR HUSBAND ENJOYS
*STOP WISHING YOUR HUSBAND WAS LIKE SOMEONE ELSE - INSTEAD, PRAY THAT GOD HELPS YOU TO DIG OUT THE TREASURE FROM WITHIN YOUR HUSBAND'S SOUL
*LOOK AFTER YOUR HOUSEHOLD WITH PRAYER AND WISDOM
*DON'T ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO COME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND
*DO NOT BE A NAG!  BE A PRAYER WARRIOR, INSTEAD!

10) Remember - WORDS are powerful!!! Make sure you don't destroy your marriage (or your children) with hurtful words or a demeaning tone.

11) Take up your cross and follow Christ.
Every trial is an opportunity for a miracle!  Every burden is an opportunity for YOU to grow in Christ!

12) THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HILL!!! IT HAS TO BE MOWED, TOO!
Stop fantasizing about being married to someone else.  Make YOUR marriage work!!!

13) READ YOUR BIBLE - Don't depend solely on the preacher.  Don't get all of your spiritual reading from devotionals that someone else has written.  Read the pure Word of God and let the Holy Spirit speak directly to you. 

14) Cultivate your FAITH.
Faith in God's Word pleases Him. He loves you and He wants to do you good and not evil. Trust Him. (Perfect love cast out all fear.)

15)  Believe it or not, in a broken marriage it only takes ONE to bring about healing.  If one person in the relationship is willing to live out Christ before their mate and endure hardship for a season (could be years), God can soften the other person's heart and draw them to Himself.  I am a living example of ONE PERSON working to have a whole marriage in Christ Jesus. 

Read my book, Healing a Broken Marriage: Love Never Fails, to hear my full story and see how God can save your marriage... if you only believe and trust Him in all things.

16)  First and foremost, make sure that YOU and your SPOUSE are born-again, spirit-filled believer's in Christ Jesus.  If you have ANY doubt about the salvation of your spouse, this is the first place to begin your prayer for them.

17)  The "D" word does not exist. God hates divorce.  Don't think about it.  Don't let it be an option.


18)  Unfortunately, many of you reading this blog post have been married before. Be sure to repent of all wrong doing from your first marriage (stop blaming the other person) and ask God to forgive you for your previous divorce. Purge ALL bitterness.  Remember, God sees the heart so you can't fake forgiveness.  Cry out to Him daily until you have truly forgiven. 
 
Once you have come clean with God, trust him to give you blessings abundantly in the marriage you now have. The gospel is not a message of condemnation, but a message of TRUTH. God wants us to live in truth and to be free from the torment of sin.

Also, be sensitive to any children you may have who were left victims of divorce from your previous marriage. No matter their age, it is often very difficult for them to heal from the effects of a broken home. God would have you to be honest, transparent and sympathetic to their struggles in dealing with their own pain. Plus, some issues won't surface for many years. It could take a life time to bring healing in their life so be patient and don't give up on them. They need you!

THE PURPLE SECTION BELOW:  
From Family Fortress Ministries...
http://www.familyfortress.org/ 

(O) Divorce and Remarriage.


Divorce


We believe that the Bible gives three legitimate reasons for ending a marriage:


1) The first legitimate Biblical allowance for ending marriage is the death of a spouse (1 Corinthians 7:39; Romans 7:2-4).


2) The second legitimate Biblical allowance is fornication (Matthew 19:9) which is inclusive of all other sexual sins covered by the term porneia (fornication): homosexuality, bestiality, prostitution, etc.


3) The third legitimate Biblical allowance is desertion of a believing spouse by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15). Of course when a believing spouse is deserted by a professing believer, the professing believer (unrepentant) can be disciplined by the church, so that the situation becomes that of a believer divorced by an unbeliever. So in effect any desertion can be, with appropriate church involvement, grounds for divorce. The Christian should not initiate divorcing a non-Christian, but should live graciously with their spouse to quietly represent Christ with an infectious demeanor, kindness, generosity, and service (1 Corinthians 7:15).


Remarriage:


In Scripture, whenever legitimate divorce occurs, freedom to remarry is assumed. When divorce is permitted, so is remarriage. The innocent party of a divorce due to adultery may remarry. Remarriage after one has been betrayed by an adulterous spouse does not constitute adultery. The person marrying a previously married spouse who was the victim of an adulterous person also does not constitute adultery. This is implied but not specifically proscribed in Matthew 19:9.


A believer who remarries after a non-Christian spouse divorces the believing spouse constitutes a legitimate marriage (1 Corinthians 7:15).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The section below is from me...

PHYSICAL ABUSE:

Physical abuse should not be tolerated. Get out. Protect yourself and your children. It doesn’t necessarily mean divorce. Use wisdom in such cases and ask God for His pathway to healing.

ADULTERY or SPOUSE LEFT YOU
Please keep in mind that God is able to restore a marriage after adultery AND He is able to bring that wayward spouse that left you back home again.  God is willing and able to save ALL from sin and to bring ALL into everlasting life. 

The question's you must ask yourself are: 

Am I willing to wait on the Lord? 

Am I willing to forgive? 

Divorce is NOT God's will.  He only makes a way of escape in certain circumstances in which one person is abandoned or betrayed. 

Pray for reconciliation.  Pray for forgiveness.  Pray for salvation.

In Christ,

Deborah Ross
Mother in Zion Series
Deborah Ross Ministries
http://www.deborahrossministries.org/

Mother in Zion Series - # 2

PRACTICAL & BIBLICAL ADVICE FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE by Deborah Ross

Today's study is based on various Proverbs from God's Word.

After an overwhelming response from the Mother in Zion Series #1, I am eager to share more nuggets of truth that will help wives - both young and old - to cultivate a healthy marriage that will last a lifetime. I believe that Satan's number one target is the family. It is only by being INTENTIONAL about our marriage that we can ever expect to truly weather the storms of life.

Below are 10 points to ponder...

#1 - Money isn't everything! While we all need money to survive - and I certainly do believe that God wants to bless us financially - still, as wives, we should never allow our primary focus to be on our financial status. Too often, I'll see women getting caught up in worldly desires of wanting more, charging more, expecting more... all the while being satisfied - LESS! Remember, even though it IS God's desire to bless you and your family financially, you should never allow money to dictate your happiness. In fact, some of life's most precious moments will actually stem from times of financial hardship in your marriage. When you said, "For richer, for poorer", those words were meant to be a promise kept forever - no matter how difficult the circumstance. Arguments over money have destroyed way too many homes. Don't let it destroy yours!

Proverbs 15:16
"Better is little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble therewith."

#2 - Study your husband! A godly wife has studied her husband's likes and dislikes. She knows how to please him. Remember, Satan is sure to have someone "else" studying your husband at various points throughout your married life. I would not want anyone to know more about my husband's thoughts, desires, habits, likes or dislikes than ME and the only way to be sure of this is to "study" my own husband. Do you know YOUR HUSBAND'S deepest desires?

Proverbs 15:28
"The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things."

#3 - Boob jobs, tummy tucks, face lifts, body sculpting, body piercings, tattoos, make-up, high heels, low cut blouses, micro-mini skirts and so on should not be necessary for your husband to find you attractive. While I don't believe the Lord is against women looking their best, I am certain He would not have us consumed with adjusting our physical appearance in unhealthy or seductive ways. The Word of God is very clear that our inner beauty is much more important than our outward looks. Of course, the "world" says to: lift it, tuck it, change it, flaunt it and shake it. But, God says that true beauty is elegant, graceful, pure, holy and modest. If you are feeling the need to compete with pornographic pictures, television and magazine commercials or even worldly girlfriends who don't know Christ in order to keep your husband's attention, there is something seriously wrong with either your marriage or your self-esteem. Make grooming your inner self (being transformed by God's Word) a top priority. Of course, you should not neglect to keep your outward appearance pretty and well-maintained with good hygiene. But remember, in looking your best for your husband you should NEVER allow the latest "beauty trend" to lure you into compromising your dignity, your health, or your testimony.

Proverbs 11:22
"As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion."

#4 - I asked my husband what he would like to contribute to this article and his response was...

"Tell them, DON'T NAG. Men hate it!"

Are you a nagging wife? If you are, I pray that you will ask God to help you bridle your tongue, IMMEDIATELY! One of the quickest ways to kill a marriage is to be a continuous nag toward your husband. Once he officially TURNS YOU OFF, you will really wonder "why" he never responds to your requests.

Proverbs 21:19
"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman."

#5 - Ladies, pouting doesn't solve anything. I know, we all like to play charades once in a while, especially when our feelings get hurt. Your man may be clueless about "why" you are upset. He may truly want to make things better, but just doesn't know where to start. This DOES NOT mean that he doesn't care. This simply means that he didn't notice what he did (or, did not do) to offend you. It is always better to discuss your insecurities and offences BEFORE you stew over them. Remember, your husband usually just wants to have fun and be loved. He is a man... and men don't think with their emotions in the same way that women do. So, stop the pouting. It only leads to an argument.

Proverbs 15:17
"Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith."

#6 - Are you in the habit of drinking alcohol or abusing prescription or non-prescription drugs? One sure way to kill a marriage is to drown it, numb it, or escape from it! I wonder just how many homes have been destroyed because of alcohol or drug abuse? You know the routine: a few drinks... next, suspicions and distorted judgements that lead to arguing... then, you call each other hurtful names... eventually, you might even wind up hitting one another. Don't say, "That won't ever happen to us. We can control ourselves. Besides, we only drink (or take these drugs) - sometimes." My friend, I pray that you won't play with fire any longer! The Bible says that we should be drunk with the Holy Ghost and not drunk with wine. The devil always has a counterfeit for everything that God does, and drinking alcohol is Satan's fake "high". He knows there is a real "high" that can only be found in being a born-again, spirit-filled, Child of the King and he doesn't want you to live in that realm. Drinking and taking drugs to relax is bad for your testimony, a careless example toward your children, and it is damaging to your marriage. The best advice is... Don't do it!

Proverbs 23:31-33
"Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth his colour in the cup, when it moveth itself aright. At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder. Thine eyes shall behold strange women, and thine heart shall utter perverse things."

#7 - Living on credit is a trick of the devil. While the world tells us that credit is the American way, the Lord says that we should live by faith and pay as we go. Granted, buying a house or maybe even buying a car can require one to rely on using credit in the US. Even so, Americans - as a whole - are buried in loans from credit card companies and banks because of over-spending. There are three main things that couples most often argue about: money, sex, and the children. Don't allow Satan to wedge his way into your marriage by biting into the alluring apple of debt. My husband and I have learned the hard way that there are many things we can live without. We have learned to be happy whether we have a pocket full of money and even if we're flat broke. Strengthen your marriage. Live by faith AND not on credit!

Proverbs 28:22
"He that hasteth to be rich hath an evil eye, and considereth not that poverty shall come upon him."

#8 - Adultery is not an option for anyone who is married... no matter how unhappy you think you are! Media has made the word "adultery" to be a watered down, digestible term referred to as an "affair". There is nothing about adultery that is watered down - nor digestible. God abhors it! Not only will adultery defile your marriage but it also mars the children, hurts relatives, confuses the church, and poisons YOU! Nothing good ever comes out of extra-marital relationships. Don't let your guard down. Flirty gestures and lewd comments can be lethal to your marriage. Adultery is the most painful of all sins in a marriage and, in most cases, it is unrepairable. The voices that you are hearing in your head about how much better your life would be with this other person - verses your spouse -ARE NOT FROM GOD.

TAKE THOSE THOUGHTS CAPTIVE... RUN THE OTHER WAY!

Proverbs 23:27
"For a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit."

#9 - Honesty is always the best policy! If you are having trouble with something that your spouse said or did, tell them. The Bible teaches us to speak the truth in a loving way. That means, we should avoid bringing anger, resentment and hostility into our relationship. A good marriage has an open line of communication that isn't afraid of confrontation.

Proverbs 27:5
"Open rebuke is better than secret love."

#10 - Everyone loves gifts! Even your husband. Don't give him gifts because he deserves it or just because it is a special occasion. Give him gifts because you are working toward having a great marriage and you want to show him how much you love him. With men, gift giving can be really easy. Think sporting equipment... to a nice romantic dinner followed by a couples bubble bath! Yes, YOU can even BE THE PACKAGE! Keep your marriage alive by surprising your spouse with gifts throughout the year.

Proverbs 17:8
"A gift is as a precious stone in the eyes of him that hath it: whithersoever it turneth, it prospereth."

To read the Mother in Zion Series - # 1... CLICK HERE

http://www.deborahrossministries.org/