Silence is Golden

In teaching marriage classes and doing biblical counseling, I have found that the biggest problem with most couples is their mouth.

In an effort to communicate, some speak their mind to the fullest extent, not realizing that every thought is not from God... not to be repeated... and, not healthy conversation.

Wrong words, finger pointing, accusations, negative outlooks, and hostile remarks only stir up strife. Friend, God's way is contrary to our impulsive, fleshly behavior. Self-control is a must if you want to cultivate healthy relationships.

Learn to listen more and talk less. Practice being slow to anger.

The devil is busy creating oppressive scenarios, throwing darts of skepticism and releasing the spirit of jealousy. His tactic is to get us offended. Then, once we are weakened by his evil blow, he assigns a horde of demons to fan the flames of anger, resentment, rage and wrath.

Don't allow the devil to push your buttons! Practice being quiet. Pray first. Talk second. And, speak in shorter, more impactful sentences that give God glory. Going on and on about a thought or feeling does not convince the other person of your need; but instead, only dulls their hearing. THEY TUNE YOU OUT!

Long, drawn out, conversations of discontent only acerbate the situation.

Yes, many times, silence is best. In fact, the Lord promises to fight our battles for us - if, we will just trust Him. And, learning to trust God requires self-control.

James says we are to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Taking God's Word from the pages of our Bible to real life application can certainly be a challenge, but it is definitely doable. It all comes down to prayer and obedience.

Are you praying?

Are you seeking to be obedient?

Will you allow the Holy Spirit to have His way? Or, will you barrel through with patronizing, condemning, hateful and sarcastic words... because, you deserve it? Because you feel the need to vent? Because, it's just the way you are?

If you desire to have more friends, if you want to have a healthy marriage, or, if your goal is to be a person of influence, practice LISTENING.

Practice thought management.

Practice response delay.

Practice word filtering.

Every conversation does NOT require a response. Sometimes, silence is best. Learn to ponder thoughts more... and, speak less. God will increase your effectiveness in communication as you obey His precepts.

#Listen #SpeakLess

www.DeborahRossMinistries.org 

Communication is Key

As many of you know, I teach marriage classes each week at my church and I also offer Biblical counseling in my office. One thing I find to be a common thread in resolving marital conflict is the need for better communication skills.

Learning to communicate better with your spouse is really just the practice of being more like Jesus in your everyday life. With that being said, there are a few key phrases to remember when it comes to communication:

• Listen More
• Talk Less
• Stop Accusing 
• Be Honest
• Speak the Truth in Love
• Give Undivided Attention
• Care About the Thoughts and Feelings of Your Spouse
• Get Rid of the "I" and Focus on "The Lord"
• Leave the Final Outcome in God's Hands

Let's start with listening more and talking less.

So often, I find that one - or both - in the relationship talks waaaay toooo muuch! First of all, you don't need to give a play-by-play of every detail of why you are upset about a situation. Learn to use fewer words with greater impact. Learn to have a conversation that is two way... not one-way. Practice listening to your spouses heart. Then, if you still disagree, make your case with kind words that don't need to be said in book form. Less is often more in effective conflict resolution.

Now, if you want your spouse to hear you out, DO NOT speak with accusations and tones of sarcasm.

What would Jesus do? Would He tear down or build up? Jesus would be honest and He would speak the truth in a loving way. Granted, there were times that Jesus spoke with authority and righteous anger, but that was always a last resort. And, even so, He didn't go on... and on... and on. Learn to speak your peace and then be quiet. Silence really is golden at appointed times.

When listening to your spouse, learn to really listen and really care about their thoughts.

Practice stopping. Lay down the gadgets. Turning off the TV.  Learn to sit down and L-I-S-T-E-N. There is something really sweet in giving your undivided attention to your husband, or wife, on a daily basis. While this may seem impossible to do during the course of a busy, hectic day, it CAN be practiced in the first 30 minutes, or last 30 minutes, of your day when a habit of being INTENTIONAL about your marriage is put into place.

The biggest problem facing couples today is the self-centered, broken soul who is always looking to fulfill the "I" instead of the "US."

Ask God to help you empty yourself of selfish ambition to embrace the team work of family. Really, our Christian walk should be a life of emptying ourselves of the "I" and filling ourselves with "Him." Transform your mind with God's Word and pray that the Lord will help you to empty your selfishness and embrace your "two becoming oneness."

Lastly, learn to leave the outcome in God's hands.

The Bible says, having done all... STAND. There is a time to speak and there is a time to keep quiet. Many couples never let their words marinate in the heart of their spouse because they operate in fear instead of faith. In doing so, they end up badgering their spouse and therefore dulling their hearing. God is more than able to play your words over and over in the mind of your spouse if you deliver those words correctly and then bathe those words in prayer. Learn to Trust God!

In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed before sin entered the picture. They were not only physically naked, but they were also completely transparent in their thoughts. The goal of a good marriage is to be naked and unashamed with each other - in every way. It may not happen overnight (no pun intended), but as you learn to participate with God in your communication skills, your marriage can grow into one that is transparent, loving, pure and joyful in your everyday LIFE.

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