Sorry... Seems to be the Hardest Word

"I'm sorry!" - Two of the most powerful words we could ever speak to each other; yet, for many, uttering these simple, two little words is virtually impossible. Why is this? Perhaps pride, self preservation, justification or even neglect play a part in our "reasons" for avoiding these freeing words.

Though these words have the potential to change the course of our lives - to the glory of God - in a profound way, so often we become paralyzed by the lie of the enemy, thinking that we somehow give permission for the offense when we forgive. It's like we have an invisible muzzle on our mouth that restricts us from saying what we know is needed to restore relationships and, more importantly, to restore our relationship with our heavenly Father.

Ever since the Garden of Eden, Satan has been busy at work, trying to create division between mankind. He knows that strife and unforgiveness open the door to a long list of hardships, really curses, that we bring upon ourselves as we refuse to humble ourselves to break these barriers by simply saying, "I'm sorry." Instead, we often create prisons in our own mind that hinder us from the good plans that God has for us. The master deceiver knows that if he can just get us to either offend someone or get us offended by the actions or words of another, he can slither his way into the depths of our soul (our mind, will and emotions), causing us to sin against God.

Unforgiveness is sin! It can lead us down the haunted road of bitterness, resentment, anger, rage and, ultimately, retaliation if not purged through humility and forgiveness. This path of self destruction brings further guilt and separation from the goodness of the Lord, while causing a whole new set of problems in our lives.

The Word of God is very clear about the importance of an apology. Mark 11:25-26 says, we should not even begin to pray to the Lord until we have forgiven those who have offended us. This passage goes on to say that we must forgive others... if we expect God to forgive us! Then again, in Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus says we should go and make things right with our brother (or sister) before we take our offering to the Lord. Clearly, God has no respect for offerings that we give out of a desire to make ourselves "feel" better. Trying to hide, or cover up, our unforgiving, true spirit from the Lord is futile. Our offerings to Him should go forth with no shame. We should give to Him out of a clean heart.

Albeit difficult, deep in our conscious we each know it is our job to be the first to say I'm sorry whenever we have offended someone. But, what do we do when the tables are turned, and someone has offended us? Our actions should ultimately be the same, whether the offense is created by someone else or by us. As a Child of the King, we should have a deep desire to keep our hearts clean by letting go of those things that were sent by the devil to destroy us. Granted, the person who offended us may not even know that they did so; still, we need to be quick to bring things out into the open in a loving way and then simply say, "I'm sorry."

It doesn't always seem fair. Certainly, it doesn't seem natural. But, one thing is for sure, everything in God's Kingdom is hinged on LOVE. Our job is to walk in love. His job is to bring freedom, restoration, and favor to our lives as we obey His word by "doing" His will. The scriptures say that "obedience is better than sacrifice." Learning to be obedient by simply learning the art of a humble apology is of great price in the Lord's eye's.

Now, there are those who will say, "I'm sorry, but _______." Friend, that is not a godly apology. What you are really saying is, "I'm trying to obey God by apologizing to you, but I really don't forgive you and I really don't feel that I should have to apologize to you." You are probably thinking to yourself, "So what is wrong with that? I can't help the way I feel. Right?"

Perhaps, that is the way you feel at the present time. But, as you "choose" to freely forgive without any attachments, you are cutting the chains that bind you to a life of bitterness. You are leaving the response up to the other person and therefore releasing yourself of all of the responsibility of that sin. What they choose to do with your apology is between them and God. You are placing the ball in their court and raising your hands in worship to the King of Glory! Your feelings will line up with your actions once you determine to do what is commanded in God's word.

It sounds crazy, I know, but God's principles are pretty radical. Supernatural things happen when we follow His directions for our lives. He makes crooked things - straight. He makes closed doors - open. He makes depression - turn to joy. He gives LIFE! All we have to do is trust Him... and "do" what He says.

One other scenario I'd like to address in this article concerning an apology is this: Saying I'm sorry does not necessarily mean you need to hang around that person. You can forgive someone and make peace with them, yet, let them go. This is not God's ultimate desire, but sometimes it is necessary in order for you to live your life free from future offenses and free from further conflicts. In every apology, try to bring with it restoration; but, if that is impossible, walk in freedom knowing that you have released all negative thoughts and emotions concerning your relationship with that person. Decide to love them in spite your differences. Pray for their well being.

"I'm sorry!" - Two words that seem harder to birth than a 20 pound baby. Yet, these powerful two words can - and will - change the course of your life, bring favor, and set you free to LIVE a life abundant in Christ Jesus! Now, go... forgive, and be blessed!

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Deborah Ross is an international evangelist, speaker, author, singer and choreographer. She is the mother of two teen-aged sons and the wife of Jay Ross since 1984. Her new book, Healing a Broken Marriage, is available now through bookstores and on-line. Deborah Ross is available for speaking engagements and can be contacted through her website at www.DeborahRossMinistries.org.

Forgiving Others

FORGIVENESS...

...is a PROCESS
...that begins with a DECISION

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First, comes the OFFENSE!

Next, BITTERNESS. Then, UNFORGIVENESS. And finally... TORMENT!!!

James 1:15 tells us that once lust is conceived, it brings forth sin. Then, once sin is finished with you, it brings forth death.

Unforgiveness is a conceived sin that is designed by Satan to kill YOU.

The unforgiveness you hold in your heart does not hurt the other person; but rather, it slowly destroys "your" entire being, robbing you of "your" life, all the while separating you from the presence of God.

Oh, I know firsthand, the pain and suffering caused by that gigantic bitter pill that was shoved down your throat... against your will. You didn't ask for it; you didn't even deserve it. You've tried to get rid of it. Yet, here you are, going through the motions of life on "automatic pilot". No joy. No vision. No peace. Just a nagging replay of your offense, going over and over and over again in your head. You want so desperately to be freed from this torment... But how?

First of all, let me tell you that you "are" capable of forgiving. No matter how vile your injury, God has given you the strength, power, and ability to overcome those demonic forces that have hurt you.

I remind you: forgiveness is a process that begins with a decision.

Once you have determined in your heart that you must forgive, you'll need to stick with your resolve until your emotions line-up with God's Word. The ONLY way to do this is through PRAYER... and lots of it!

After my husband defiled our marriage of eighteen years by gambling our finances away, lying, alcoholism, drug addictions, and secretly (so he thought) lusting over pornography, I was angry and frustrated to no end. But, once he crossed the sacred line of our marriage vows (after all that I had already put up with) by committing adultery, it was as if Satan, himself, shoved a nine-foot-tall glass of bitterness down my throat. I was poisoned! And now, this poison made me think I'd never be the same. I thought I'd never be able to get over the hell that he put me through for so many years. I was mad at him; I was mad at the adulteress; I was mad at an in-law for deceiving me concerning my husband's whereabouts; and, I was mad at God for allowing this to happen to me!

Luke 17:4

"And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him."

I knew that the Word of God said you must forgive "seventy times seven", but I was hoping that I had reached that magic number of four-hundred and ninety so that God would allow me to harbor unforgiveness toward my husband - forever! Desperate for help; I ran to my church and sought counsel from a pastor on staff. I learned so many things from our sessions that helped me to forgive and I'd like to share some of them with you now.

First, when the Bible speaks of "seventy times seven"... it's not a finite number, such as four-hundred and ninety. When Jesus told Peter that he should forgive "seventy times seven", He was actually saying, "You must always forgive." Let's look at another passage of scripture that confirms this point...

Matthew 6:14

"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:"

Ouch! Did this mean that God would not forgive me of my sins, if I didn't forgive everyone else of theirs... including my husband?

Mark 11:26

"But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses."

You see, I was a born-again, spirit-filled Christian who had enjoyed the power of the Holy Ghost for many years prior to my offense; and now, I couldn't bear to think of ever returning to that place of separation from God's presence. I knew I would have to forgive "everyone" who seemed to have taken part in my demise, but I was completely overwhelmed at the enormity of my dilemma. Everything in my life appeared to be broken and I couldn't see any sort of light at the end of my tunnel.

Thankfully, this godly counselor gave me the following pieces of wisdom that saved my mind and made it possible for me to move forward in God's Will of forgiveness. First, he said, you must forgive your husband, as well as everyone else who has offended you throughout this trial. This does not mean that you have to stay married to your husband (Matthew 19:7-9 - according to scripture, divorce is permitted in the case of adultery - but this is not God's perfect plan); it does not mean that you have to associate with the adulteress or even keep company with your in-law. You "do" however need to stay in fellowship with God.

Then he said, "You need to compartmentalize your offenses so that you can deal with one hurdle at a time; leaving all of the other people and problems in the Lords care until you are ready to handle more." Learning to separate the troubling aspects of my life, to deal with one thing at a time, was a huge piece to the puzzle of my forgiveness journey.

And so, I decided to work on forgiving my husband, first. Of course, I knew I couldn't stay mad at God. After-all, without His blessings I'd never be whole again. He is my breath, my life, my strength, and my source. I needed Jehovah Shalom (My God of Peace) to restore my soul. I cried, "God help me!", as I literally ran to my closet - many times a day - screaming, crying, arguing, reminding, begging (yes, even begging) God to help me to forgive. I quoted scripture. I bound up principalities and powers. I bound good things (according to God's Word) to me, my husband, and my children. I pleaded, "God, take this bitterness from me! Help me to forgive!" Each day, the Lord would take my bitterness from me and I would be strengthened, but the next day... I would have to start the process all over again.

It's not that the Lord didn't take it; rather, I kept taking it back. The devil would flood my mind with horrendous thoughts and images sending me into a panic attack as adrenaline surged through every cavity of my soul. This was truly the hardest battle I had ever fought.

It took me about a year to purge the bitterness that consumed by being. I don't recall the exact moment, or the exact day, but I just know that at some point I became free. Of course, throughout this year long prayer vigil, I prayed for my husband (the one who offended me). Thankfully, he became a born-again believer shortly after our marital collapse; and so, I decided that if I had to forgive him, then I wanted the prize for my hard work. I wanted my marriage to be restored... and it was! Hallelujah!

Your situation may not require restoration with your offender. Perhaps you were violated by a stranger, or maybe by an acquaintance. Regardless of "who" hurt you, forgiveness mandates that you pray blessings and not cursings upon your perpetrator. If you find that too hard to do, start by praying for their salvation - that is more than enough. If the person claims to be a Christian, then pray that God will open the eyes of their understanding so perhaps they'll feel remorse over hurting you and ask for your forgiveness. If they don't... it's OK! Pray for them to not suffer the consequences of the wages of their sin(s) toward you.

I once witnessed someones house burning down in the middle of the night shortly after they blind sighted me with hideous rage. Through this instance, the Lord taught me the importance of praying for my enemies. That person, and their entire family, were not born-again believers and they would have all spent eternity in hell - had they died in their house fire that night. Was their house fire the wrath of God? That, I don't know; but, what I do know is that God spoke to my heart about the importance of praying for those who have offended me.

Ephesians 4:32

"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

Forgiveness. How do you forgive?

* Realize that forgiveness is a commandment from God... it's not a suggestion.
* Purpose in your mind and heart that you will purge "all" bitterness and malice toward your offender.
* Cry out to God DAILY asking Him to take the bitterness from you - UNTIL IT IS ALL GONE!
* Compartmentalize your problems so that you can accomplish one thing at a time, leaving the others in God's hands until you are ready to deal with them.
* Pray for your offender. Pray blessings and not cursings.
* Read your Bible.
* Praise and worship God in the midst of your pain. (This really confuses the devil.)
* Don't rehearse your bitterness. Only speak of your testimony in light of what God has done to turn things around, according to His Word - and not according to the desires of your flesh.
* Speak the truth in love. If possible, tell the person that they offended you. Perhaps they'll repent. If they don't... you must still forgive, for your sake!

Remember what Jesus said as He hung on the cross... "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." This should be your example. This should be your goal. When you choose to forgive, you create fertile ground for God to work a miracle. Who knows? Maybe "your miracle" will be a restored marriage, mended relationship(s), a new job, born-again family members, your offender becomes born-again, financial prosperity, healing in your body, a dream accomplished or ____________ (put your secret heart's desire here). With God, all things are possible!

Matthew 5:44

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;"

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Luke 6:28

"Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you."

...Forgive and be free in Jesus name!

Please know, I share the details of my marriage in a transparent way because I want you to know that if Jesus can save our family, change my husband, and heal my broken heart... He can do the same for you. I now have a wonderful husband who is a born-again man of God. He is the head of our household and is completely free of all addictions. The Word of God is true and powerful!

For more teachings on FORGIVENESS, please click this link and order the CD or DVD of FAITH, FORGIVENESS, FUTURE. http://www.deborahrossministries.org/

Another great resource for FORGIVING and for overcoming ADDICTIONS, GENERATIONAL CURSES, and STRONGHOLDS OF THE MIND is the double CD set titled ROOT DIGGER, NOT A RUG SWEEPER. Click the link here to order yours... http://www.deborahrossministries.org/

Yours in Christ, Deborah

Deborah Ross Ministries
Strengthening Families & Encouraging Women
www.DeborahRossMinistries.org